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Welcome to Los Angeles!
L.A. combines fantasy
and fun (actress Holly Beavon as Marilyn Monroe).
For many it's a real-life movie set.
Cruising the Sunset Strip. Driving past the intersection of Hollywood
and Vine. Stopping at Mann's Chinese Theater. Seeing Rodeo Drive.
Palm trees the size of skyscrapers. Celebrity's names imbedded in a
sidewalk. Beautiful lifeguards patrolling the beaches.
The Los Angeles Dodgers. The Lakers. Dodger Stadium. The Coliseum.
The Rose Bowl. The Olympics. Universal Studios. Disneyland. Endless
Summer.
Is this all real, or does Los Angeles need to pinch itself?
L.A. likes to dress herself up for the benefit of others. When the
world is watching, she has her hair perfected in a Beverly Hills salon,
puts on her most elegant cocktail dress and accents everything with
stunning jewelry.
No more picket lines:
Hollywood writers are back at the studios and TV shows
This is the image she likes to present, which is why she spotlights
her celebrities at movie screenings, award shows and sporting events.
Yet behind all this polish sits a city less bathed in celebrity sunshine.
Like every major metropolis, L.A. has its share of problems. It's just
that here, people cover them up for the outside world and act as if
they don't exist.
Critics claim L.A. to be too plastic, too superficial. It is (as are
some of the people's body parts). But so what? The problems are largely
issues for the locals and, well, let them be the ones to deal with it.
This is, after all, a City of Angels.
The Neighborhoods & Nightlife
Hip dance clubs
are a big part of L.A.'s diverse nightlife.
From beach bars to fetish clubs. It's
all here in L.A.
One of the city's greatest attributes is its diversity. It is possible
to see a name band one night, hang out in Johnny Depp's pad the next
and sit in a beachside dive the following evening.
This makes the bar scene more confusing than the freeways. The pubs
and clubs in Los Angeles number into the thousands. Some are tiny neighborhood
haunts while others are massive dance clubs. There are theme bars, restaurant/bars,
sports bars, upscale and downscale pool bars,jazz clubs, large and small
band venues, Irish and English pubs, Mexican cantinas and French cafes.
Navigating through this maze requires identifying what type of club
suits an individual's tastes.
For hard-core partiers, the South
Bay is the place to go. The beachside bars in Hermosa
and Manhattan are full of the sunburned and thirsty, all soaking up
the cheapest cocktails in Los Angeles.
For rock bands, the Sunset
Strip is unparalleled.
Hollywood
is the spot for dancing in the mega clubs, yet it also houses
some of Los Angeles' hidden haunts.
The "blacked-up" crowd favors the "in" spots on
the Sunset Strip, plus a few places in Santa Monica and Hollywood.
Santa
Monica offers a combination of it all, kind of a one-stop-shopping
spot for bars.
Other spots are Venice/Marina
del Rey, Long
Beach home to the World's Fastest Beach Party each
April.and Orange
County, somewhat of a party cousin to the South Bay;
and
There are other places to find a crowd, of, course. The Mayan,
a massive dance club with elevated cages, is located in downtown Los
Angeles. Sagebrush Cantina, a Valley and Hollywood favorite on
Sunday afternoons, is in the remote area of Calabasas.
The South Bay is
a lively beach community for the young and thirsty.
Many tourists wind up wandering Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica.
This is a pleasant way to spend an evening and it has a good combination
of cool pubs and hot clubs.
Other than the beaches of Orange County and the South Bay, Los Angeles
is largely a night scene, most people going out after 10. Drink 'em
if you got 'em is 2 a.m.
There is no smoking inside any of the bars, or even restaurants. Smokers
must go outside to take a puff, which accounts for the groups of people
gathered on the sidewalks.
Arrival and Orientation
Seen in hundreds
of movies, LAX is the gateway to the city.
Coming to LaLa Land is not as simple
as arriving at the airport and heading into the city. In fact, there
is hardly a city in which to head. Instead, there are 86 communities,
each with it's own personality and crowd. There's Brentwood and Burbank,
Hollywood and Hermosa, El Monte and El Segundo, Long Beach and Laguna
Beach, Santa Monica and Santa Ana.
Where to go and how to get there are two major obstacles facing many
visitors.
Los Angeles International Airport, or LAX, is the starting point for
LA. It's white-legged landmark, formerly the control tower but now a
space-aged restaurant, has been shown in hundreds of movies and is as
much a part of the landscape as the Hollywood sign.
It's a good idea to have accommodations locked up in advance. Getting
a room "on the fly" is possible, but can be very time-consuming
due to the vastness of the city.
This is a diverse area, and where one chooses to stay could have a
direct affect on his/her impression on the city. Those looking for the
"Hollywood scene" are best advised to stay in Hollywood, along
Wilshire or Sunset Blvd, Santa Monica or, for a seaside treat, Malibu.
The Beach Boys-seeking set are better served in the South Bay cities
of Manhattan, Hermosa or Redondo beaches or Santa Monica. Marina del
Rey is a convenient midpoint.
The Freeways
The most visited
landmark in L.A. are its freeways.
For many tourists, the Los Angeles freeways
are a live version of Friday the 13th. They are simply a horror.
Five-plus lanes of traffic, sometimes zipping along at 70 mph yet a
moment later stopped like at a red light, different freeways coming
up every few miles heading off in some other direction and helmet-less
motorcyclists flying between the lanes of traffic. "How do Angelenos
deal with this every day?" they ask.
One can tell the tourists locals from the locals not just by the car
they drive but how they drive. Tourists proceed cautiously at
every freeway interchange, have their rental car map unfolded and do
a lot of pointing. Locals do not let the fact they are in a car interrupt
their intended agenda. They drive with one hand on the wheel, the other
on their cell phone with a Thomas Guide – an L.A. street map the
size of a mid-sized town's phone book – in their lap. That's because
they don't know the location of any street outside of their own area
and only figure out how to get there en route. As a result, they are
always at least a half-hour late to any appointment. ("Traffic,"
they will say when they arrive and everyone will understand and then
talk about their own traffic woes.)
Despite this intimidating appearance, the freeway system is remarkably
simple to navigate. The 405 – locals designate freeways by their
number, not their name such as the San Diego Freeway – bypasses
the busy central city and serves as a western perimeter route. The 110
cuts through downtown and the 10 goes east-west from downtown to Santa
Monica.
There are several other freeways, but for most visitors they are just
a jungle of names and numbers. Locals have no problem taking the 60
to the 605 to the 105 to the 705, but some tourists are so intimidated
they don't stop until they reach Sacramento.
Survival on the freeways requires adhering to a couple of rules. One,
stay off the freeways between 7-9 in the morning and 4-7 p.m.. Second,
steer clear of the 5, the 705 and the 101 whenever possible; they are
nightmares and are assured to get you to your destination with the utmost
frustration.
On the other hand, the Pasadena Freeway (the 110; this one is called
by its name) from north of downtown into the historic city for which
it is named makes for a fantastic afternoon drive. Designed as a scenic
route, it was the first freeway in Los Angeles and curves gently through
beautiful territory.
Traffic in Los Angeles is often more hype than reality. Locals perpetuate
the myth to keep more Midwesterners from moving here. (That being said,
see "Sig Alert," below.)
Never, though, ask more than one Angeleno for directions. You will
get as many different answers as people that are asked. This is because
everyone has a their own "best way" of getting to the same
place which, if actually true, does not explain why so many cars are
always stacked up going in the same direction.
Surface Streets
Simply called "streets" or
"city streets" in most other metropolitan areas, here they
are "surfacs streets." They are blessed by some, cursed by
others. Some are magical (Sunset Blvd.), some majestic (Mullholland,
Pacific Coast Highway), others seemingly never-ending (Sepulveda, which
stretches the entire length of the county).
Car Tunes
Since a car is a necessity in LA, it's
important to have good music while sitting in all that traffic. On the
FM dial, 106.7 is the alternative rock station and has the city's best
morning drive-time show ("Kevin & Bean"), 100.3 is the
dance station, 95.5 is a Southern California tradition playing traditional
hard and soft rock and 101.1 cranks oldies rock.
Public Transportation
Like most American cities, public transportation
is virtually nonexistent in Southern California.
Buses run bizarre zig-zag courses, train travel is limited to basically
one east-west and north-south line (downtown to Long Beach) and even
getting from a hotel to a transportation spot requires catching a taxi.
Using public transportation to bar-hop is not an option. It's best to
pick one area, say Santa Monica, and do the PubClubbing there all night.
Santa Monica does, on the other hand, have a clean and efficient public
transportation system called the Big Blue bus, which runs throughout
that city and from UCLA in Westwood to LAX.
The Beaches
Wide beaches and
cool surf make for fun in the Southern California sun.
Endless Summer. Surfer girls. Giget.
Surf City.
If any one element best defines the Southern California lifestyle,
it is that of the laid-back beach life. Surfing, bikini-clad girls and
fun, fun, fun 'till daddy takes the vacation away are here in abundance.
Southern California's continual sunshine, wide beaches and carefree
attitude have spawned a seaside scene where well-tanned and perfectly-shaped
people exist to ride the waves, rollerblade up and down the beachside
bike path and sweat it out one of the hundreds of beach volleyball courts.
Tourists tend to watch from a distance at Santa Monica and Venice beaches,
but the real scene is in locals-heavy South Bay and Orange County. This
is where Manhattan, Hermosa and Redondo in the north, and Huntington
and Newport in the south, hug the Pacific coastline and its residents
make full use of the facilities nature has so generously provided.
At night, the beach bars rock in the same laid-back style.
Giget, by the way, does exist and lives in the South Bay.
California sunsets
are among the best in the world.
Hollywood/The City
In direct contrast to the sun-drenched
activities of the beach are the bright lights of the "Hollywood
scene."
Focused on and around Sunset Blvd., in Hollywood and parts of Santa
Monica, this is largely the nocturnal crowd. In other words, they only
come out at night.
Suntanning and rollerblading are replaced by power lunches and gym
workouts or sleeping well into the afternoon with the shades drawn in
order to rest up for another night out at the clubs. The style depends
on the person, either the high-powered movie executive, real estate
mongrel, starving actress/model on one scale, or rock band member/fan
or novelty store employee on the other side.
Regardless of their income, background or professional aspirations,
their dress code is similar. That is to say black, black and more black.
The bars of choice are either classy drinking establishments, rock
'n roll palaces or dance clubs. Or all of the above.
Don't Go There
While there are some definite places
to visit in LA, there are also places to avoid.
East of downtown is high on this list. This is gang-heavy Watts. Carson,
Compton, East Long Beach, Inglewood, anywhere along the 105 freeway
east of the 405 and on either side of the 110 between downtown and the
105 are to be avoided.
Basically, if there are bars on the windows, it's a good idea to find
your way to the nearest freeway, pronto.
Celebrities!
Photo shoots are
common in LA; this is Jimmy Buffett band member Peter Mayer.
Yes, they are here. Movie stars, TV personalities,
sports figures, power agents and studio directors are as much a part
of the landscape as the Hollywood sign.
Problem is, celebrities tend to hide like bugs, so seeing them is hit-or-miss
at best.
Occasionally, they wander down Rodeo Drive on one of their high-priced
shopping sprees or get dinner at a place like the Ivy in Santa Monica.
Infrequently, they show up at bars when the general public is there
but are hidden in theVIP room by management.
They also cruise the beach in Santa Monica, the Sunset Strip, Melrose
Ave, the Improve on Monday nights, occasionally Hollywood Blvd. (admiring
their star on the Walk of Fame perhaps), and turn up in some of the
most unlikely places, like the sawdust-covered Chez Jayz by the Santa
Monica pier or Patrick's Roadhouse on Pacific Coast Highway just south
of Malibu. (Tourist note: Baywatch was filmed just north of Patrick's.)
 Be
on the lookout for celebrity look-alikes.
It's often possible to stumble into a photo shoot or an actual movie
being filmed on a street. These occur on a regular basis all over and
while it's impossible to know when and where, they are usually good
for one or more celebrity sightings.
One place they are guaranteed NOT to be seen is on the route of any
of the "Maps of the Stars Homes" sold up and down Sunset Blvd.
Despite the reassuring words of the persistent sales people, these maps
are years out of date and offer nothing more than a pleasant drive around
some of Los Angeles' finest neighborhoods.
Another option is to attend a show taping. Ones seeking audiences pass
out invitations on Venice Beach. Others, like The Tonight Show, require
standing in line outside the studio (arrive by 2 and note the NBC Studios
are in Burbank, not Hollywood).
Finally, what you see is maybe not what you get. LA is full of celebrity
look-alikes,
who make a living pretty much living as a star.
Earthquakes?
On the average, scientists inform us,
Los Angeles experiences hundreds of tiny earth shimmers each day. Unless
you are a seismograph needle, however, you will not feel any of them.
In fact, actual shaking tremors are infrequent and while so-called
experts have for years predicted "The Big One" will hit and
destroy the city that, thankfully, has yet to happen.
Occasionally, a minor tremor does hit the area, though these shake
up tourists more than the actual landscape. If the ground at your feet
starts to shake yet you witness locals continue to try and order a cappuccino
from a waiter, don't panic. If there is a big jolt, however, follow
the stampede to someplace away from falling objects.
The Language, LA-Speak
Not surprisingly, Los Angeles has a language
only a local can understand. To help, here are some key words and phrases.
• Dude. Beach in origin. Can mean any number of things,
depending on the tone of the word. It could be a greeting, a verbal
high-five or a question. Also used to start a statement or question,
as in "Dude, can you believe the talent in here tonight!?"
• Freeway. The intricate system of non-toll roadways
that traverse Southern California. Called intestates or highways in
the rest of America.
• Gridlock. Standstill traffic. Example: "We're stuck
in gridlock."
• G.U. Geographically Undesirable. Used to describe
a place or person more than a half-hour's drive away.
• Power lunch. Hollywood term to designate a business
luncheon, usually with a high-powered studio executive to (hopefully)
sign a deal.
• Santa Anas. Warm and powerful desert winds that
paralyze inland areas and the Valley and make for hot days and Caribbean-warm
nights at the beaches.
• Sepulveda. The longest road in the city and focus
of mass confusion for tourists, primarily because they cannot pronounce
it and thusly can't explain to locals when asking for directions. Sometimes
becomes fabled Pacific Coast Highway. Proper pronunciation is See-pull-vee-da.
• Sig Alert. Similar to gridlock. Only worse. No one knows
the origin of the term, but if you see or hear the words, head in the
other direction.
• "That's about a 4.5." Locals describing
the latest earthquake using a measuring system known as the Richter
Scale. Anything below a 6 is nothing to panic about.
• The Valley. Area just north of Los Angeles that
basically has a life all its own. Encompasses Burbank, Studio City,
Universal City, Van Nuys and other towns. Requires long commutes on
the freeway system to reach; as a result, trips to the Valley are infrequent
for those living in Los Angeles. In return, Valley people feel the same
way about Los Angeles.
The Weather
Who can argue with
sunshine and palm trees (here in Manhattan Beach)?
Let's just say that roses grow here in
January.
For anyone who has experienced the fog of London, the chill of Chicago
or the summer heat of New York, Los Angeles will seem like a slice of
weather heaven.
The area is bathed in sunshine 325 days a year and the temperature
is so moderate locals suffer when it moves outside of the 72-78F range.
Nights do cool off considerably, especially in the coastal areas, so
a light jacket or sweater is recommended year-round.
Seaside, there is always a cool breeze blowing, even on the warmest
of days which, incidentally, rarely exceed 85F degrees. (Inland locations
and the valleys in particularly can be quite warm, however, and summer
days at Universal Studios or Magic Mountain can be taxing.)
Few visitors are aware of the fact that Los Angeles is a desert. Rain
is hardly a thought from April through November.
Time Zone
Los Angeles is GMT -8.
When to Go
It's Endless Summer, right?
Well, almost. The prime months are in the Spring and Summer, although
Fall and Winter are pleasant, as well. The "rainy" season
runs from mid-January through March, although the actual amount of rain
changes on a yearly basis.
The beaches are most crowded in the typical summer months, and the
longer days make it a much more active time. About the only month to
avoid is June. This is when the warming ocean temperatures mix with
the air temperature to create a layer of fog that basically lasts the
entire month. This is known locally as "June Gloom." By July
1, however, it's a thing of the past.
 Next
stop on the Party Bus: Hollywood
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